Active Listening: Hear What People are Really SayingThe way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, try to understand the complete message being sent.In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may be going on around you, or by forming counter arguments that you'll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to get bored, and lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these contribute to a lack of listening and understanding...There are five key active listening techniques. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they say. [In this StratML rendition, they are documented as goals.]To enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person know that you are listening to what he or she is saying. To understand the importance of this, ask yourself if you've ever been engaged in a conversation when you wondered if the other person was listening to what you were saying. You wonder if your message is getting across, or if it's even worthwhile continuing to speak. It feels like talking to a brick wall and it's something you want to avoid.Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a simple "uh huh." You aren't necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. Using body language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening also reminds you to pay attention and not let your mind wander.You should also try to respond to the speaker in a way that will both encourage him or her to continue speaking, so that you can get the information if you need. While nodding and "uh huhing" says you're interested, an occasional question or comment to recap what has been said communicates that you understand the message as well.MindToolsMT_1cfbe2c4-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d87We're here to help you learn the practical, straightforward skills you need to excel in your career. (You can explore the menus on the left hand side to see our core skill areas.)Used together, these skills can help you become exceptionally effective, be a great manager and leader, be more successful in your career – and even become happier at work.We call these skills "mind tools", because that's what they are. We believe that anyone can learn and use these simple processes and techniques to make the very most of their careers.Established in 1996, our site helps more than 22,000,000 people each year, as well as providing cloud-based/web 3.0 training solutions to companies and government agencies worldwide.Members of our team are based in four continents. They comprise career experts, business people, coaches, writers, editors, and journalists – all of whom are focused on helping you make the very most of your career.James ManktelowMind Tools was founded by James Manktelow, who CEO. James has written seven books on leadership, team management and personal productivity: WorkLife: Manage Your Time; WorkLife: Manage Stress; Mind Tools; Stress Tools; Make Time for Success! (written with Namita Anand); How to Lead: Discover the Leader Within You; and Team Tools: Build and Lead an Excellent Team (written with Felix Brodbeck and Namita Anand).Prior to Mind Tools, James' career spanned marketing, production and project management, business and systems analysis, software development, and consultancy for major clients in many European countries. He has led teams at all corporate levels, and has worked, with others, to build two successful companies. James earned his MBA at London Business School._1cfbe602-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d87To improve listening skills _1cfbe774-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d87ListeningListening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.EffectivenessRelationshipsInformationFor instance:We listen to obtain information.We listen to understand.We listen for enjoyment.We listen to learn.UnderstandingEnjoymentLearningMemoryGiven all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it! In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that we remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear.AttentionThat means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is dismal!Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren't hearing the whole message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50 percent, but what if they're not?ImprovementClearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving.ProductivityBy becoming a better listener, you will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate.InfluencePersuasionNegotiationSuccessWhat's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary for workplace success!CommunicationTip:Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go a long way towards creating good and lasting impressions with others.Self-AwarenessImpressionsRepetitionTip:If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them -- this will reinforce their message and help you stay focused.FocusDispassionTip:If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"ConcentrationKey Points:It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening skills are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to do!Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!Start using active listening techniques today to become a better communicator, improve your workplace productivity, and develop better relationships.DeterminationAttentionPay Attention_1cfbe8aa-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d871Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.LookLook at the speaker directly [and] "listen" to the speaker's body language._1cfbea08-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d871.1FocusPut aside distracting thoughts._1cfbeb34-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d871.2Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations.HearDon't mentally prepare a rebuttal!_1cfbed82-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d871.3DemonstrationShow That You're Listening_1cfbeefe-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d872Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.NoddingNod occasionally._1cfbf03e-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d872.1SmilingSmile and use other facial expressions._1cfbf17e-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d872.2PostureNote your posture and make sure it is open and inviting._1cfbf2dc-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d872.3EncouragementEncourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh._1cfbf426-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d872.4FeedbackProvide Feedback_1cfbf570-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d873Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.ReflectionReflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back._1cfbf692-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d873.1ClarificationAsk questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say." "Is this what you mean?"_1cfbf7e6-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d873.2SummarizationSummarize the speaker's comments periodically._1cfbf93a-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d873.3JudgmentDefer Judgment_1cfbfa8e-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d874InterruptionDon't interrupt the speaker._1cfbfbce-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d874.1Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.Points & QuestionsAllow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions._1cfbfd18-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d874.2ArgumentsDon't interrupt with counter arguments._1cfbfe3a-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d874.3ResponseRespond Appropriately_1cfbff3e-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d875Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.Honesty & OpennessBe candid, open, and honest in your response._1cfc009c-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d875.1OpinionsAssert your opinions respectfully._1cfc025e-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d875.2Other FocusTreat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated._1cfc0510-1558-11e5-ba72-80e736408d875.32015-06-17http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htmOwenAmburOwen.Ambur@verizon.net